How to Really Love Your Adult Child by Gary Chapman

Author:Gary Chapman [Chapman, Gary]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-8024-7790-3
Publisher: Moody Publishers
Published: 2011-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

What Should Parents Do?

So, what are parents to do when they find themselves in conflict with their child’s sexual behavior? Some parents have tried the ostrich approach, denying that it is happening. There is little to be gained from this approach except perhaps momentary peace of mind. Sooner or later, the reality will be unavoidable. Other parents use the missile approach—taking every opportunity to shoot verbal missiles at the young people, to condemn their behavior. Such reaction damages parental influence now and in the future.

It can be difficult for parents caught in this situation to be civil to a child’s partner, and yet to be unpleasant is a serious mistake that can drive the child into a deeper commitment. Also, if your child ends up marrying the person, your future relationship with the young family is damaged. It is usually better to treat your child’s live-in mate as a likable person and show common courtesies to him or her. We realize this may be extremely difficult for you, but with God’s grace you can behave with love and kindness, even though you do not approve of their behavior. You can still appreciate the person while not approving the behavior. Your tone of voice, a handshake greeting, and occasional hugs all can help maintain an amicable relationship with the child and his or her friend. At the same time, you may give cautions and ask questions of your child about the relationship to show your concern and dissatisfaction with the live-in situation.

It is important that you have the support of family and friends; you may even need counseling to be able to maintain an even attitude and behavior toward the young people. Also, you should remind yourself that your child loves you and needs you, and that he knows exactly how you are affected by his behavior. He knows that your continuing to be a loving parent does not mean that you approve of what he is doing or that you are violating your own values.

Just as you have sought to give your child unconditional love in the past, regardless of behavior, so also you will do the same now. You want to be a positive influence on your child in the future, and this means that you cannot afford to break the relationship you have.

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